The worlds smartest dog...

Apparently, Terry Wogan told this joke on his radio show last week.....

A dog goes into a butchers shop, it's got a little bag around it's neck containing some money, and it's carrying a letter in it's mouth. The butcher takes the note, which reads...

500g of minced beef
8 pork sausages
4 lamb chops

The butcher is a little taken aback, but decides to give to dog what is on the list. So, he makes up the order, takes the money, hangs the goods round the dogs neck and drops the change back into the little bag. Once he'd finished the dog turned round and left the shop. The butcher just could'nt believe how clever this dog is.

This carries on over the next few days, each time the dog brings a list, and takes the order home.

After the fourth day, the butcher decides he is going to follow the dog to find out where it goes, and to congratulate the dog's owner on having trained the dog so well. So when the dog leaves, he tell his assistant to mind the shop for him and he sets off after the dog. He follows the dog for about fifteen minutes, as it crosses the round, walks round the corner, over the bridge, down a side street, until it arrives at it's owners house. When it gets to the front door, the dog stands on it's back legs and knocks on the door.

The butcher cannot believe how smart this dog is!

The owner of the dog opens the front door, and the first thing he does is to give the dog a kick!

The butcher runs up to him and says "you can't treat him like that, he's the smartest dog in the world!"

The owner replies......

"He can't be that smart - This is the thrid time this week he's forgotten his front door key!"

Heh heh......

Great Expressions For Those High Stress Days...

1. Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine ?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we ?
3. Do I look like a fucking people person ?
4. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. You! Off my planet !
7. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
8. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe ?
10. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ..?
11. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
12. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego ?
13. How do I set a laser printer to stun ?
14. I'm not tense, just terribly terribly alert.
15. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
16. Earth is full .. Go Home !!!