Long time no see

Well, it's been a good 7 or 8 months since I last posted, but I will try and post my musings more often if I can, although I've said it before!

AS a starter for 10....

Has anyone seen the new Go-Kat ad? Go-Kat for Indoor Cats. - Should'nt that be Stay-Kat, or maybe Don't Go-Kat, or even Scaredy-Kat??

Just struck me as funny, thats all!

Sponsor Me!

Thos of you who know me, know that my wife lost her fight against cancer last year, and she spent the last two weeks of her life in the Rowans Hospice. Those two weeks were peaceful and dignified, and the team and staff there provided us both with a huge amount of support.

So, with this in mind, I am going to be doing a midnight 12 mile walk as a fundraiser. So please, spare a couple of quid and five minutes of your time to sponsor me at

http://www.justgiving.com/markkennard

Thanks.

Absolutely shocking (if you're a geek like me!)

Those of you that know me will understand my issue with this, but if you've just stumbled in by accident, I'll apologise in advance. This post is a geeky techie rant. Nuff said!

I am a web developer/designer (did you notice the order there?) who has been working on the web for 12 years. In that time, I have tried my hardest to stay up on current trends, latest techniques and new ideas in the web development field. I started as a "web designer" back in 1996, and over the past decade have had to stay abreast of developments, constantly honing my existing skills and learning new ones. So, bearing this in mind here goes....

WHY IS MICROSOFT USING PISS-POOR HTML TECHNIQUES IN THEIR VISUAL STUDIO 2008 EXPRESS EDITION TRAINING VIDEOS??????????

Do I seem a littled hot under the collar? That's because I am.

I work for a well known recruitment website, who are currently migrating their 'nix based web site and database etc across to ASP.NET - no, wait, thats not the punchline..., and as a result, my collegues and I on the design team are on a learning curve. Now, it's not too bad for me personally as I am a bit of an oddball on the team, in as much as I'm reasonably capable with non-design stuff, like Javascript, Ajax, XML, ASP, VB, SQL database coding (yes, yes, I know, Microsoft technologies), Actionscript etc, I'm a sort of designer programmer if you like, but most of the design team are DESIGNERS!

The whisper around the office is that the "recommended" web design/development software will be one of the following.

• Microsoft Expression Web - WHAT????? Has anyone actually used this out of choice? Our team have been working with Homesite (oldskool), and the old favorite Dreamweaver (we're on CS3 now), with a couple of us using alternative tools of choice, split between the Mac chaps using Coda, and myself using the awesome Aptana Studio (more on that another time....). I've installed an evaluation copy of Expression Web. All I can say is it looks and feels remarkably like F***tpage. Need I say more? and yes, I've read the rave reviews. I just think they are wrong. Dreamweaver killer, my arse.
• Microsoft Visual Web Developer 2008 - Hmm. Top tool for the hardcore coders, but let's be honest, it's not the most inspiring tool for creating top notch sites now, is it?

So, I have been scooting around the net when I find a spare moment,
looking out for useful tutorials and resources relating to how the
ASP.NET migration will affect us and any changes that may be ahead.
Naturally, the first place you'd think of looking would be the vendors
documentation and resources right? WRONG.

In the interests of being able to put forward an informed opinion on the matter, I spent a bit of time checking out Visual Web Developer 2008 this evening, specifically, watching some of the video training that Microsoft are providing on their site.

Please, if you are a web designer/developer/standards/accesibility nut, watch this video, and spot the mistakes. I actually sat laughing as I watched. Shocking.

For those of you that are'nt total geeks, I'll explain....

Microsoft, at first, weren't particularly interested in the internet, then, they realised how big it would be and decided to jump on board. In the early days, they did'nt rule the online world as much as they do now, but over time, and several anti-trust cases, they now have a huge share of the world's web browser market. During the mid - late 90's we had the "browser wars" where it was sometimes easier to write 2 versions of your code to be sure all your site visitors could have the same experience. Fun times.

These days, things are getting better. It's still challenging to create a web site or web application that works across the broadest possible range of users, but today, we have more and more standards. XHTML and CSS are the norm, and sites are becoming more accesible, and useful by the day. Even Microsoft are flying the standards flag. No really...check this out, from the Expression Web product overview...

"Build dynamic, interactive pages that harness the power of the Web to
deliver superior quality. Built-in support for today's modern Web
standards makes it easy to optimize your sites for accessibility and
cross-browser compatibility."

So, imagine my amusement, when I am watching the very first video in a series aimed at new ASP.NET developers, admittedly maybe hobbyists or students, but new developers all the same, and I am told to add a totally non-standard font to the project page (this should be CSS) and then a bit later, am shown how to use an HTML table for layout purposes (again, this should be CSS based).....

Microsoft. Come on. It's 2008. You are pushing a very clever technology. So why, why , why are you insisting on oldskool 1990's HTML? If thats what you're recommending or endorsing, regardless of your new enthusiasm for standards, I am REALLY looking forward to the laugh I'm going to have when we start looking at the HTML your ASP.NET controls spit out.....

Jokers.

Progressive Enhancement - Graceful Degradation on steriods

Following on from my last post, I was looking round today for a solution to a FlashObject issue we have on the LondonJobs website and found this article...

As a designer/developer moving away from Flash to more standards compliant methods and technologies, I was interested to read about how it's possible to meet the needs of all scenarios, including text based browsers, screen readers, non-javascript users, and Flash enabled users. If you have any interest in contemporary web design and reaching the maximum number of users, this is a top-notch article.

Developing Flash websites using progressive enhancement

Potential clouds for Flash and Silverlight

As a long time Flash enthusiast, I could be accused of being "anti-standards" in my past attitudes to the use of Flash content. 2 or 3 years ago, if you wanted to be certain your content/design/functionality would work regardless of platform, Flash would have been a good, solid option.

Today however, I am not so sure. As open source and standards complaince have gained momentum, so too has the ability to build rich interactivity into a web site or web application without the use of third-party add-ons or plug-ins.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have been "out of circulation" from all things web for some time, and since my return to the fray, I have noticed just how far the web has come.

With technologies such as AJAX, JavaScript and CSS increasingly maturing, so the need for third-party technologies decrease. As a simple example, Flash used to be the only way to ensure your website could load external content on-the-fly and be sure it would work. Now, with AJAX, XML, JavaScript, and a little careful thought and planning you can combine content from any number of sources, natively, in the browser.

With this all in mind, I read an interesting article this evening on ZDnet about the possibility that Adobe (the company behind Flash, for those of you non-techie readers), and Microsoft (Silverlight) could potentially "have an agenda" (after all, as global companies, they ARE in it for the money) and that as developers we should not rely on theiier technology.

Maybe it's time to seriously consider the viability of using proprietory tools...click here to read the article and decide for yourself. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts...

Rockin at work

Well, it's been some time since I posted, but thought now is as good a time as any to pick-up where I left off!

Things are getting better after the 18 months of crap, I'm back at work, spending the day fiddling with javascript and CSS, nothing like fiddling to keep you busy (stop sniggering at the back! you know who you are!)

I'm spending much more time online now I am back at work, and after having nearly 2 years with only patchy time spent surfing, I'm amazed at how big this "web 2.0" thing has become. Not only in terms of the now cheesy reflected glossy logos, but also in terms of some of the creativity behind sites like Facebook, Twitter, Digg and, my personal favourite, Last.FM

Much of this creativity is due to how the boundaries of what is possible have been pushed back as User Agents become more sophisticated and more standards compliant. Mature, cross-browser librarys such as jQuery (watch this space for more posts on this one!), Ext, and Prototype make Ajax and DHTML development a painless experience, giving client side developers and designers the ability to focus more on user experience and clever functionality, and increasing CSS support (and experience) is giving us some fantastic web design. After my enforced time-out from design and development, it's an exciting time to come back! I made my first tentative steps into web design and development back in 1996, with a music site, the now defunct music.gb.com, but in the last 12 years, it's staggering just how far we've come.

I spend 7 hours a day, sat grooving (I love Last FM!!) and coding. What better way to earn a living. I'm just looking forward to seeing what lies around the corner

An octopus joke....

Just seen this in my email, apparently it won Joke of Week here at the offices of Jobsite....

An octopus walks into a bar and
say "I bet I can play any musical instrument".

Bloke gives him a guitar which
he plays better than Jimi Hendrix.

Second bloke says "I bet you
can't play the piano".

The octopus plays better than
Elton John.

Jock gives him some bagpipes.
The octopus fumbles for a minute and looks confused.

Jock says "ha, can ye nae play
it?"

Octopus says "play it? I'm going
to **** it as soon as I get it's ******* pyjamas
off"

Hmm, have a look through this blog, I'm sure I've posted funnier!

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Tea-towel holder

One of the guys at work sent me this, after he heard one of my rants about cats being like tea-towel holders. No-one seemed to get the joke at the time, but Gavin has proved he was paying attention!

LOL! Made me chuckle anyway!

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Dark clouds of Doom

Heh heh, I wonder.....

A couple of small thoughts

Was reading through another site today, and found these two little gems of wisdom, so thought I'd share them with y'all...

If a certain situation is over, then let it be over.
Stop hitting replay in your memory.
It's time to eject that disc and move on to something new.
If nothing else, at least notice how many times you think about it today.

When the pain of holding on is greater than the pain of letting go...It's
time to let go.

Do you know what. They're true.

We survived the raft race!

Well, we survived! After much apprehension on the part of myself and Theresa, the big day arrived and we had to put our faith in our team's handiwork - "Val" the vessel crewed by "The Redland's Return"

Laugh? Oh yes it was one of the funniest things I have ever done, esecially as we got out into the open water and tried to navigate the course.

Anyway, enough typing, have a look at the photos...










Mayhem!!

You know when you're a heavy drinker when...

These made me chuckle...

1. He's got a lot of willpower. He's finally given up trying to stop drinking. (thanks to Shane)
2. She hates the sight of liquor. That's why she drinks it so fast.
3. He's on the drinking man's diet. Now he's a skinny drunk.
4. She's getting so high she's soon going to need a net under her.
5. He deducts his booze costs because he drinks to others' health so often.
6. Occasionally, she is held up going home. That's the only way she gets there.
7. He believes in a balanced diet; a drink in each hand.
8. She never plays "Spin the Bottle". She won't let go of it!
9. His nickname is "Truck" because he always has a load on.
10. It only takes one drink to make her drunk. She's not sure if it's the eighth or ninth drink, however.
11. He only drinks on days ending in "Y".
12. She only drinks when she has company or is alone.
13. He is a public spirited person. He drinks spirits in public.
14. She knows that alcohol is a slow poison. She doesn't mind, she's not in a hurry.
15. When he's working overtime, he gets time and a fifth.
16. When there is a nip in the air, she tries to drink it.
17. If it wasn't for pretzels, he'd be on a liquid diet.
18. In bars across the nation, she's one of the unsteadiest customers.
19. He's the nicest guy on two feet. If he could stay there.
20. When she catches a cold, she buys a bottle of whisky. In no time, it's gone. The whisky, not the cold.
21. He's not one to do things halfway. He does them in fifths.
22. When she comes back from lunch, she's so loaded she has to take the freight elevator.

Another cracking weekend....

Well, back to some semblance of reality after another funny weekend with Theresa and Co. It started on Thursday evening, a few beers then singing and dancing in Truck's kitchen, followed by an early wakeup call from Theresa, complaining about her hangover and how I should have stopped her from drinking...YEAH RIGHT!!!! I DID!, but I think by that stage it was too late.

Got up Friday morning, then Theresa picked me up and we went to Truck's for a good old fashion fry up, to take the edge of off the hangovers!

While we were at Truck and Mark's, Truck decided she wanted to empty the paddling pool and put it away, so I had the amusing site of two hungover women, sitting, kneeling and laying on an inflatable pool, trying to deflate it. This ended in much hilarity, as Truck and Theresa both sat on the edge of the pool, and fell backwards into the puddle Truck created when emptying the pool!! Funny as....see for yourself....

1) What are they doing??

2) I don't think they've planned this too carefully...

Theresa and Truck - They're SPECIAL....

Then, a trip to Gosport, down the beach, scoffing ice-creams, and trying not to have an accident, after eating a whole 250g bag of DATES the night before. That was scary!!

Saturday was another smokey day, nice chicken casserole at Theresa's (can that bird cook, or can that bird cook??!) , then Sunday, we finally made a start on the Raft!! Yes, you read correctly, RAFT. Somehow, we have all put ourselves up as a team in a charity raft race. We are all going to drown. But it's for charity. I'll post more about the race as it happens.

The Amazing Amy Macdonald

Well, although I love music, it's not often I will shout too loudly about a new artist, but I have recently got really into the fantastic Amy MacDonald, and her single "Mr Rock and Roll". I suppose it's partly because of the "I wish I'd known you sooner" lyrics, and they make me think about the limited time I had with Sharon, but also because I believe that Amy MacDonald is a fantastic talent, a great singer/songwriter, and she has a great vocal style.

If you want to check her out for yourself, have a look at her singing live instore, at Glasgow HMV
or, check out the video to her single.

Top banana, really.

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Ever farted in a wetsuit?

Hmmm, was going through my funnies and found this, made me chuckle, so I thought I'd share it....

Actually, it's a self portrait!!!

A couple of new funnies...

My mates Matt and Jo sent me these, they made me chuckle, and cheered me up a bit....







Hehehhehe

She's watching over us....

I've had a couple of crap days, missing Sharon so much, but trying to smile. Had a strange thing happen to me a couple of days ago.

I was talking to Sharon, as I have done pretty often since she passed away, and I said to her, "come on then Babe, if you really are there watching over us, and there is something after death, prove it. I'll be ok if I know you are still there, but show me a sign, something obvious"

An hour later, her friend, who is very spiritual, turned up on my front door, saying she had a message for me, she said that Sharon is unhappy because I am unhappy, and she hates seeing me so depressed, and that she wants me to be happy. She also said that Sharon needs me to carry on being strong for her, to keep looking after her boys, and that she needs me to "sort it out".

Her friend then gave me a crystal, that she said Sharon had chosen, which was in Sharons favorite colour.

Coincidence? Maybe, but I like to think that my princess was letting me know she's still with me. It helps ease the pain a little.

Long time no post

Well, for those of you who know me, and have been wondering why I have not posted for some time, it's because for the last year my partner Sharon was fighting cancer, and on the 3rd of July she passed away peacefully, 6 days after we got married.

I'm devastated, but I know that she has no more pain, and that we will meet again when my time comes. In the meantime, she needs me to carry on for her and her boys, my step sons.

If you knew Sharon, you can light a candle for her, or leave a message at GoneTooSoon, or if you'd like to read about our journey over the last year, you can read the blog I have been keeping as we walked the path, at Holding Her Hand

In the meantime, I will be posting here again soon, as I continue to rebuild and pick up the pieces.

Office pranks...

I don't know about you, but sometimes working in an office can be sooooo boring. These made me laugh, and gave me a few ideas for revenge on my co-workers if the need ever arises...

Office pranks gallery

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First post in a while, so here's some funnies....

It's been some time since I have posted, my personal life has been a little fraught for a while now, but I thought it's about time I made the effort and got back into this blogging lark. These funnies were sent to me by my mate Snottie, they made me chuckle, so I thought I'd share them with you...



1) One day, a man came home and was greeted by his

wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up,"

he purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.



2) A woman came home, screeching her car into the

driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the

door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,

pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack,

beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter,"

she said. "Just get out."



3) Marriage is a relationship in which one person is

always right, and the other is a husband.



4) A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a

driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight

test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."



5) Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,

"I must tell you all something. We have a case of

gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm

so tired of chardonnay."



6) A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more

butter! Oh my GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn

them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD!

WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going

to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You

NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn

them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your

mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always

forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE

SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is

wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a

couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show

you what it feels like when I'm driving."

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