Sat having a cuppa with my mates Sarah and Ken, I have been reading some of my preious posts with them, and decided that it's time for a new post, but got too much to rant about right now, so I'm going to give someone else a chance to set the record straight about one of life's little irritations....
Ken's Thoughts on Geezer Birds....
Definition of a Geezer Bird courtesy of Harper's Almanac of Random Thoughts
Geezer Bird /gi:za bird/ n. informal A female man. Often spotted whilst using public transport, passing through some of society's less desirable urban habitats.
So Ken, why today to rant about Geezer Birds?
K: I was on the bus today on my way home and at the front of the bus there were 2 "geezer birds". Now, when i get off the bus, i courteously thank the driver but when "geezer birds" get off the bus they dont say thankyou in a friendly manner they say "cheers mate" in a voice that wouldn't sound out of place in a male public convenience. The 2 "geezer birds" after leaving the bus then walked down the road with a stride and gait straight out of a John Wayne movie.
If you are a "geezer bird" please don't call me mate or mush. This is my PET HATE. and please, please, please get rid of the shell suits and Creole earrings, they are not attractive in any way shape or form.
The next time a woman calls me mate or mush i think im gonna SCREAM. ARRRRRGHHHH.
Me:Hmm. part of me thinks Ken may have issues with women from Paulsgrove....thanks Ken
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Swearing at Work
My mate Sarah always manges to find something to cheer me up. She emailed this to me this morning, apparently the ones I need to take on board are numbers 9, 14 and 16...
Swearing at work
Swearing at Work I think we can all learn something from this...
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
8)TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD FO: Eat sh__ and die.
13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
18) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
Thank You
Swearing at work
Swearing at Work I think we can all learn something from this...
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
8)TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD FO: Eat sh__ and die.
13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
18) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
Thank You
Thursday, February 09, 2006
The Sad Passing Of Common Sense
Big D sent this to me this morning.....
"Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but,
could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.
If you still remember him pass this on. If not join the majority and do nothing."
Would be funny if it was'nt so true...
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Falling Sun
Relationship lost on a stormy sea
I hold on to you
Just hold on to me
When the lighting strikes
You hear the thunder roaring
And you don't know how long
This will go on
But I know I still love you
And I know you still care
So keep on tryin' when you're sure you still love me
I don't know much
But I know how to love you
Doesn't that mean anything
I don't know much
But I know how to love you
A sea of love
Don't let it drown us
We're way too far from shore
As we go deeper
As the wind grows stronger
It tries to tip us over
But we both learned how to swim
So let's just go on
'Cause I know I still love you
And I know you still care
So keep on tryin' when you're sure you still love me
I don't know much
But I know how to love you
Doesn't that mean anything
I don't know much
But I know how to love you
Yeah I know I still love you
And I know you still care
I don't know much
But I know how to love you, yeah
Doesn't that mean anything
I don't know much
But I know how to love you
And that's all I need to know
Yeah that's all I need to know babe
Oh that's all I need to know
That's all I need to know
For now
Lyrics by Anouk
I hold on to you
Just hold on to me
When the lighting strikes
You hear the thunder roaring
And you don't know how long
This will go on
But I know I still love you
And I know you still care
So keep on tryin' when you're sure you still love me
I don't know much
But I know how to love you
Doesn't that mean anything
I don't know much
But I know how to love you
A sea of love
Don't let it drown us
We're way too far from shore
As we go deeper
As the wind grows stronger
It tries to tip us over
But we both learned how to swim
So let's just go on
'Cause I know I still love you
And I know you still care
So keep on tryin' when you're sure you still love me
I don't know much
But I know how to love you
Doesn't that mean anything
I don't know much
But I know how to love you
Yeah I know I still love you
And I know you still care
I don't know much
But I know how to love you, yeah
Doesn't that mean anything
I don't know much
But I know how to love you
And that's all I need to know
Yeah that's all I need to know babe
Oh that's all I need to know
That's all I need to know
For now
Lyrics by Anouk
Monday, February 06, 2006
Monday, January 16, 2006
Jokes for the girls....
Well, I suppose we blokes deserve it, we spend enough time laughing at sexist jokes...A female friend sent these to me this morning....
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
Friday, January 13, 2006
Monkeehub does it again
I'm a huge fan of Monkeehub, the freelance animator who made the video for the JCB song. For those of you who have seen more of Monkeehubs work, you really should check out the fantastic Low Morale website.
Low Morale is a series of animated shorts highlighting one mans struggle against the morale crushing, soul sapping experiences of the work place.
My favorite part of the site is the Low Morale video of Radiohead's "Creep". Fantastic!
Low Morale is a series of animated shorts highlighting one mans struggle against the morale crushing, soul sapping experiences of the work place.
My favorite part of the site is the Low Morale video of Radiohead's "Creep". Fantastic!
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Another post for cat lovers...
This is one of funniest sites I've seen in ages. Bonsai Kittens outlines how to make kittens stay a set size and shape by sealing them in a rigid container.
Now, while you and I know this is obviously a piss take, you can be sure there are those sad individuals out the who take life much too seriously, so watch this space for abusive comments.
If like me, you can spot a hoax when you see one, check out the Bonsai Kitten web site out, it made me nearly laugh my nuts off!
Now, while you and I know this is obviously a piss take, you can be sure there are those sad individuals out the who take life much too seriously, so watch this space for abusive comments.
If like me, you can spot a hoax when you see one, check out the Bonsai Kitten web site out, it made me nearly laugh my nuts off!
CnC on the XBox
After years of playing the Command & Conquer series of games on the PC, I think it's about time the Electronic Arts released an Xbox (or XBox 360) version.
If, like me you too are a CnC addict but want to see it on your games console instead of your PC, sign the petition here.
You never know, E.A Games may take notice and bring the worlds best RTS to the worlds best console
If, like me you too are a CnC addict but want to see it on your games console instead of your PC, sign the petition here.
You never know, E.A Games may take notice and bring the worlds best RTS to the worlds best console
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
The worlds greatest podcast...
Not really been into podcasts until the last week or so, but I've become one of the converted...
I've been listening to the hysterical Rickey Gervais Show on Guardian Unlimited. It's one of the funniest shows I've heard in ages. Each show is about half an hour long, but it really does give you a laugh a minute. You can download it from the Rick Gervais web site, it's well worth the effort, especially if you want to hear "monkey news", "homeless chinese", "metaphors misunderstood" and other total nonsense.
I've been listening to the hysterical Rickey Gervais Show on Guardian Unlimited. It's one of the funniest shows I've heard in ages. Each show is about half an hour long, but it really does give you a laugh a minute. You can download it from the Rick Gervais web site, it's well worth the effort, especially if you want to hear "monkey news", "homeless chinese", "metaphors misunderstood" and other total nonsense.
Design Inspiration...
If, like me, your are always on the lookout for design inspiration, it's well worth checking out this site. It's all in Russian, but you don't need to read Russian to appreciate it's photo gallery of retro product packing design.
Well worth a look!
Well worth a look!
In the doghouse - Literally!
There's a lesson to be learnt here. Helena Bukarowicza got so sick of her husband Zdzislawa going out on the lash and spending all their money on vodka she chained him up in a dog kennel!
I thought I got it in the neck when she who must be obeyed moaned about me going to the pub!
You can read the story here...
I thought I got it in the neck when she who must be obeyed moaned about me going to the pub!
You can read the story here...
Puerile, but funny...
Just taking a break from coding for an hour or so and stumbled up on this...it appeals to my schoolboy sense of humour, but it's also a cool bit of flash coding/design.
Check it out, the fabulous Farting Nun Organ!
Check it out, the fabulous Farting Nun Organ!
Monday, January 09, 2006
Scouse Vasectomy
For any reader from Liverpool, may I apoloise in advance.....
After having their 11th child, a Scouse couple decided that was
enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife
didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
would fix the problem but it was expensive.
A less costly alternative was to go home, get a big firework, light
it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to
10.
The scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest bloke in the
world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my
ear is going to help me".
Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held
the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which
point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue
counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Birmingham, parts of Essex, inner London,
Sunderland and anywhere in Scotland
Hehe, made me chuckle....
After having their 11th child, a Scouse couple decided that was
enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife
didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
would fix the problem but it was expensive.
A less costly alternative was to go home, get a big firework, light
it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to
10.
The scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest bloke in the
world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my
ear is going to help me".
Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held
the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which
point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue
counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Birmingham, parts of Essex, inner London,
Sunderland and anywhere in Scotland
Hehe, made me chuckle....
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Another new site goes live
For those of you interested in projects I have carried out, another new client's site went live this week.
The Roger Wenn Partnership Limited are a Kent, UK based firm of architects, cost consultants, interior designs and project management specialists. They approached me about 8 weeks ago to produce a new web site.
The new site uses Macromedia Flash, and features a showcase of TRWPL's previous projects and clients.
Your comments are welcome...
The Roger Wenn Partnership Limited are a Kent, UK based firm of architects, cost consultants, interior designs and project management specialists. They approached me about 8 weeks ago to produce a new web site.
The new site uses Macromedia Flash, and features a showcase of TRWPL's previous projects and clients.
Your comments are welcome...
A handy little plug-in...
For those of you who have not yet seen it, check out Blogger For Word, a fantastic, free plugin for Microsoft Word that lets you create and edit posts for you blog from without having to leave Word.
It’s so easy to use and makes it a snip to create new posts in your own time, even offline, without having to copy and paste or login to your Blogger account.
I’ve been using it for a couple of posts so far, and think its superb. Give it a try for yourself, download it here
It’s so easy to use and makes it a snip to create new posts in your own time, even offline, without having to copy and paste or login to your Blogger account.
I’ve been using it for a couple of posts so far, and think its superb. Give it a try for yourself, download it here
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
A Cheerful Post...
In case you are wondering what 2006 holds in store for us all, take a look at Exodus2006.com, a cheerful site outlining predictions made in codes buried in the worlds great religious texts.
If you believe everything you read on this site 2006 looks like being one to miss if you can, with some truly catastophic events being predicted, including: Huge solar flares, Impacts from space (asteriods), a Yellowstone Supervolcano eruption, Polar shifts, Nuclear attacks by terrorists, and more...
If you believe everything you read on this site 2006 looks like being one to miss if you can, with some truly catastophic events being predicted, including: Huge solar flares, Impacts from space (asteriods), a Yellowstone Supervolcano eruption, Polar shifts, Nuclear attacks by terrorists, and more...
Have a look for yourself, it makes for interesting reading.
At last, a REAL use for cats...
I've got be honest, I'm not a cat lover, but I am unfortunate enough to be involved with a woman who has three of the things.
This story is one that appeals to me in a big way, but I doubt if my other half would agree, and if you are a cat lover, neither will you!
This story is one that appeals to me in a big way, but I doubt if my other half would agree, and if you are a cat lover, neither will you!
Woman Marries Dolphin....?
The world is full of nutters, and this story just reinforces my opinion...
Another MS Security Flaw
A good way to start the new year, another security flaw has been discovered in most versions of Microsoft Windows, from Win 98 to the most recent Windows XP.
Oddly enough, it's not Microsoft that have released a patch, but a third party. Brian Krebs, PC Security expert on WashingtonPost.com posted the following...
"It appears we will be ringing in the new year with a new and improved exploit that online miscreants can use to attack an unpatched Microsoft Windows flaw and install spyware, viruses and other dangerous digital intruders.
The latest bit of malware takes advantage of the same Windows Metafile (files ending in .wmf) security hole that Security Fix warned about earlier this week, the one where Windows users can get infected just by clicking on a specially crafted link in an e-mail or visiting a Web site that hosts the malicious code. "
There have been reports of a new IM worm making use of this WMF exploit, which you can read about here...
"We will see this vulnerability being used for various different purposes for months to come, and I wouldn't be surprised to see a massive worm outbreak before Microsoft releases this patch," said Mikko H. Hypponen, chief research officer at F-Secure. - You can download the patch here...
Oddly enough, it's not Microsoft that have released a patch, but a third party. Brian Krebs, PC Security expert on WashingtonPost.com posted the following...
"It appears we will be ringing in the new year with a new and improved exploit that online miscreants can use to attack an unpatched Microsoft Windows flaw and install spyware, viruses and other dangerous digital intruders.
The latest bit of malware takes advantage of the same Windows Metafile (files ending in .wmf) security hole that Security Fix warned about earlier this week, the one where Windows users can get infected just by clicking on a specially crafted link in an e-mail or visiting a Web site that hosts the malicious code. "
There have been reports of a new IM worm making use of this WMF exploit, which you can read about here...
"We will see this vulnerability being used for various different purposes for months to come, and I wouldn't be surprised to see a massive worm outbreak before Microsoft releases this patch," said Mikko H. Hypponen, chief research officer at F-Secure. - You can download the patch here...
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